Ask Cal

In this, the very last issue of Ask Cal for VCESS’08, Cal answers your questions in exactly six words, in honour of Ernie Hemmingway’s six-word story; ‘For sale: baby shoes, never worn.’

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Dear Cal,
If vegetarians eat vegetables, what do humanitarians eat?

Dear Culinarily Confused,
Humanitarians enjoy eating bubblegum pie, YUM!
Love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Is tuna fish or chicken??

Dear Zoologically Confused,
Two of those fish? Two, nah?
Peace and love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
What came first, the chicken, or (the chicken’s) egg?

Dear Crossing-the-Road,
Neither. Chuck Norris came first, silly!

Love, your friendly local know-it-all,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
If the plural of tooth is teeth; why isn’t the plural of choose, cheese?

Dear Serial Dad Joker in-the-making.
Choice of cheeses would be difficult…
Dad-Joke aspirant,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Why are candied apples in the fresh food section?

Dear Nonplussed Shopper,
An advanced kind of kid trap.
Love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Are you smarter than a 5th grader?

Dear Anonymous,
Yes… don’t quote me on that.
Love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Why does toast land buttered-side first?

Dear Stumped,
No cat strapped to it’s back!
Feel the pseudo science love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Is it ok to say “lol” in everyday dialogue? If not, does it make me a nerd?!...
Please reply,
From msnjunky XX

Dear msnjunky,
4ny1 w40 s4|’5 s0 = t0l |\|00b
K33p |o\/\/n1ng,
C4l.

Dearest Cal,
Do you really answer all the questions?
~ From someone who wants you to answer their question.

Dear Feeling-Unappreciated,
Yes, every day. Check the website.
Love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Why does the human race feel compelled to fly?

Dear fellow aerial-aspirant,
Throw yourself at ground, and miss.
Love,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Are the people residing in the ghetto part of a rap group/gansta possè?
From “You know who”


Dear Voldemort,
Yep, they call it GPXtreme possie.
Word,
Cal.

Dear Cal,
Where do babies come from? I don’t believe this whole stork thing…
~ A Confused Individual.

Dear Confused,
Not storks, veloceraptors… Think about it!
Love,
Cal.

Remember, for responses to ALL of the questions which I have received, check the Summer School Zine website at: http://summerschoolzine.blogspot.com

Tomorrow: The first day of the rest of your life. Answer your own questions in iambic pentameter!

Cal’s VCE Study Tip # 3+4:
Keep up your hobbies and interests, or at least some of them. You’ll need something to stop you from going insane. Also, to all of you who want to improve your vocabulary to write killer essays, try this fun website (where you can learn and help kids in Africa, for free!):
www.freerice.com

That’s it from me guys and gals. I hope y’all have a wonderful VCE. Keep it real, and stick it to The Man.
Love,
Cal.

Web ed note: Okay, I know we are cutting in on Cal's column... but just a further plug to check out Free Rice (www.freerice.com) ... it really is addictive and goes towards a good cause. And moving slightly off topic... some other sites that allow you to help out some worthy causes just by clicking include: www.thehungersite.com , www.povertyfighters.com and www.ripple.org . (The latter is a local effort - set up by Melb Uni alumni). All worth checking out (though they will not help your vocab as much as Free Rice!)